Should You Reconnect With An Absent Bio Parent?
Here’s a piece about absent bio parents that spoke to me.
This past year I’ve been in contact with some of my birth father’s family members. Yes, it is a shock that they’re reaching out to me, but it is also quite interesting, the idea of learning about the other half of my DNA. Then again, is that a good or welcome idea?
A friend, Charlie Oliver of Served Fresh Media, recently released her own advice podcast where this exact topic was discussed. It’s called, “Nobody Asked me…but I’m Gonna Tell You.” It’s a great podcast where she sifts through popular advice columns and gives her own advice to them. The twist? She gives her own advice sans reading the advice that is given in the actual article. She’s a natural in this medium, and in this age of “telling it like it is-isms” she’s rocking it!
Yes, The Truth Hurts
Charlie goes head-on in some rather uncomfortable situations those of us dealing in this know all too well. In trying to give her advice [16:49], Charlie recounts a story of contacting her estranged father one day. Charlie claims she talked with her father about her pitfalls in her life, but she didn’t share them on the podcast, for good reason.
The enormity, the magnitude of how his absence in my life may have affected me was realized instantly…
Based on statistics from the National Center for Fathering; the absence of a child’s biological father has significant consequences in that child’s life. Children had a 47.6% likelihood of poverty and are at greater risk of engaging in destructive drugs and/or alcohol use. These are only a few of the stats. If you dig deeper there’s far more damage done to a child in a fatherless home.
Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services; ASEP Issue Brief: Information on Poverty and Income Statistics. September 12, 2012 http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/12/PovertyAndIncomeEst/ib.shtml
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Old Habits Die Hard… So Always Remain Forgiving & Compassionate
After that phone conversation, things took a turn for the worse during that reconnection. It is at this point where one sometimes wonders if it is better to let sleeping dogs lie. That contact spirals her father back into a drinking problem, he long since kicked. It is his lack of follow through to rebuild their relationship that inspires Charlie to write a compassionate letter [26:49]. A letter she calls her, “last correspondence to this man, my father, in my life.” What she thought would be a simple task was anything but.…
When there is an absence of someone in your life, it’s easy to convince yourself that that person doesn’t matter…but I was surprised how much anger I had.
Focus On The Positive Outcome Of Reconnecting
This is by far the biggest concern for myself. Right now I’ve been all well and good not having a relationship with my biological father. I admit that there are days where I do have anger driven thoughts about it and him; especially as I get older, and now have children myself. So is it worth it to open this can of fire ants or is the desire for closure worth the potential drama that is inevitable?
This is one person’s story of reconnection. For every one of these, there are others where the outcome is positive. So it is always hard to decide how best to address elephants in the room such as this. One thing is certain, as Charlie says, the larger questions should be…
What would you do with that information [connecting with a bio parent] and how would it change your life for the better?
Listen Below
This is a fantastic episode and thank you Charlie for sharing it. Please visit Charlie’s site at Nobody Asked Podcast. Also, please subscribe to it on iTunes. While there, please rate and review the show. I have!
BONUS CONTENT. Listen/watch Kelly Clarkson’s song “Piece by Piece” and tell me SHE isn’t affected by bio parent abandonment.